Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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