We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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