so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
