i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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