She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
