She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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