She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
