Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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