How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
