How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.