My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off