Pants 0. Shit 1.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance