Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
