based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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