that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
