At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
