My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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