There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
