Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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