Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
