is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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