last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
