She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize