so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
