ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
