Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When are your genitals available?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
