This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
