Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
