He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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