i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
