You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
