Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
