When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
