my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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