You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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