i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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