I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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