he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
