No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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