Can i not drive my cunt home
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
