Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
