I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
