they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
