we have pet lesbian snakes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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