true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
