I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
