Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
