So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
