I cockslap morals
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm at about main and main street
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
