so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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