We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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