The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
