Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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