fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
