You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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