fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize