Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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