I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
